what about…

There are so many things going on in my life right now. I know it’s a busy time of year for everyone, but my biggest struggle is with the many things I can’t control. For a recovering control freak, this is extra challenging. In my heart, I know these things are beyond my control, but my brain keeps trying to “fix” things. Growing up without a sense of control over many parts of my life, parts that all children should have control over, created an over-controlling adult. I am very aware that my “fixes” are not always right or even wise, and over the last 20 or so years, I have been actively seeking to release that need to control things, which is why I call myself a recovering control freak. But like any recovery, it’s an ongoing struggle. Some days it’s easy, some days not so much. I practice opening my hands, literally and figuratively, to release situations to God. And I have gotten pretty good at the releasing. Some days I have to do this consciously – stopping to physically open my hands and say to God “I know this is not mine to hold or control, I’m giving it back to You.” Other days, I can do it on the go, simply reminding myself “God’s job, not mine.”

But lately, when I’m settling in for sleep, my mind starts trying to grab those situations back from God. The different situations run through my mind and I ask myself “What about ______?” What about doing this? What about saying that? What about this person’s feelings? What about that person’s reaction? I think you get the idea.

Last night, apparently God had enough of this, because I heard that whisper in my heart asking me “What about God?” and I had no answer. I have been so busy trying to not be controlling while still running all these possible scenarios through my mind, that I have been leaving God out of the picture in these nighttime mental exercises.

That got me thinking – in a much more practical and reassuring way – about all the ways God is already present in these situations. My brain kept trying the “What about______?” trick. (Because of course, even giving up control of how my brain is spinning is a challenge.) But each time, I consciously countered those thoughts with “What about God?” And after thanking the Holy Spirit for being so close and loving me so much that She hears these nighttime mental exercises, I had a restful night’s sleep for the first time in too long.

This morning, I woke up thinking of how I can use that question to help me in different aspects of my life. And if I break it down into different situations the list is quite impressive. But I can sum the list up quite easily: it can help me in every aspect of my life.

The biggest ones for me?

Am I hesitating to take a risk – like writing this post (or even this blog in general), or being willing to co-lead a group in an area I’m just really learning about, or even being willing to take this journey of healing – because of fear of embarrassment or rejection or ridicule? Asking “What about God?” helps me remember that it was God who called me to these situations and opportunities, and that I accepted that call by trusting the Holy Spirit to lead me where I need to go as I work my way along.

Concerns for my family and friends? this country? our world? “What about God?” I know God’s got this covered, it’s how I became a recovering control freak. Jesus showed me He understood my pain and fear and helped me release my past, and my need to try and control the present and future.

Tempted to eat and act in ways that I know are not healthy for me? “What about God?” I know that I honor God by treating my body well, and as I continue on this journey of healing, I know that is the next step. First the emotional and psychological healing, so that I can truly value myself as God values me. Then I can work on treating my body the way I know I need to in order to live into my potential as a child of God. I will use this question to bring the Holy Spirit into the situation and help me sidestep temptation.

What about you? How would you answer the question “What about God?” Where do you see God at work in your life? I encourage you to spend some time with the question. I know the Holy Spirit is ready to help – She’s just waiting for you to ask!

jumbled

Ever had one of those strange half-awake dreams that feel so real but make no sense? Even in the process you know something isn’t right, but your brain feels trapped in the circle of the dream. I had one of those this morning, and as I was waking up, my brain was jumbled and I felt disconnected from my environment. But even in that moment, I recognized a baseline comfort because I knew that God was with me. And as I tried to figure out what the dream might mean (don’t they say all dreams have meaning?) I realized that even in the most bizarre scenes, my dream-self knew I was not alone.

That got me thinking about my waking life. (Because there is some bizarre stuff going on these days isn’t there?) In my brain, and my heart, I know that God is always with me, but does that knowledge cross over into my practical every day living? Are there things I’m doing to support how that presence manifests in my life? And equally important, are there things I’m doing to suppress that expression of God in my life?

And as much as I’d like to say I have amazing fully-formed answers to these questions, I don’t. But I think that’s the whole point of this journey God has called me to take – to recognize those times and places in my life where I am doing things the way God asks me to, and those times and places I’m throwing up roadblocks to the work of the Holy Spirit in and through me.

I definitely have partial answers – examples that show that each of these are happening in my life right now. And how I’m feeling about myself when the questions are asked will influence those partial answers. If I’m doubting myself, my abilities, my value in the world, I can give you an exhaustive list of all my faults and failings. But when I’m feeling connected to the Holy Spirit and Her work in my life, I don’t jump right to the negative. I can, and do, take the time to look for the good I do, for those places where I allow, and even actively participate, in Her work. Taking this journey of healing in the first place is one of the major places. Writing as I do, to share the process and perhaps help someone else open their heart and mind to God’s presence in their life is another.

This feels like an important juncture on my journey, though I’m not quite sure why. I think that the weird dream doesn’t really have a meaning, but it does have a purpose – to cause me to stop and examine these questions. To recognize and accept responsibility for those times I do interfere with the work of the Holy Spirit. I can’t learn and grow if I’m unwilling to see and acknowledge my mistakes. But I think even more importantly, it’s to help me accept and celebrate the fact that I can do kind things, that I actually do allow the Spirit to work in and through me. This is the rich soil that will allow my faith, allow me, to grow and flourish in God’s presence.

So, from jumbled to certain is pretty good progress on my journey. Certain that I am not alone, certain that I am loved, certain that I have a place in God’s great story, certain that I am (at least most days) a conduit for the love and grace God offers all of us every moment of every day of our lives. But equally certain that I still have work to do; work on my attitude, work on my consistency, work on my trust.

And you know what? that’s ok. I know I’m not perfect, but the blessing is that God doesn’t expect me to be perfect. God expects me to love – to love my neighbor and to love myself. And that means accepting the good and not-so-good parts of all of us, and knowing that we all can grow to be more. More loving, more giving, more forgiving – more like Christ Jesus.

I have always known that this is the ultimate destination on this journey of healing I am on, but by taking the time to figure out what that bizarre dream meant to me and for me has helped me feel a bit clearer about the path. I know there will be more circles and switchbacks, more side roads and even roadblocks. But out of this morning’s jumbled state of mind, comes the deep reassurance that I am not alone. Jesus has walked a similar path and so understands exactly what I am going through. The Holy Spirit is walking right with me, guiding my steps and my perceptions. And, you and I are walking together. Just as our lives are different, our paths are different; but on this journey of seeking and finding, learning and applying, we are together and can support each other. And that is a blessing indeed!

perspective

Our perspective, the way we look at things, has such an impact on our lives. Sometimes it’s so deeply ingrained that we may n0t even realize what it is, but other times it’s a conscious choice.

On this journey, I’ve begun to recognize both aspects of how I interpret things. My childhood left me feeling inadequate – that I couldn’t hope to do or achieve certain things – and insecure – that I didn’t deserve good things. That perspective was so deeply ingrained, and impacted so many aspects of my life, that it took me until my 40s to recognize it and begin to take steps to address it. And it’s an ongoing process. Sometimes it feels like every day I come across some residual of the choices I made because of that perspective.

And yet, my childhood also left me with the habit of trying to see things from the other person’s point of view, from their perspective. This is a choice I make. Granted I’m not always successful, but this perspective has helped me through hard times and also allowed me to help others during their hard times.

And there’s a new perspective that this journey has added – learning to see things from God’s point of view. I try to look at myself – my thoughts, my words, my actions – and the world as a whole, from God’s point of view. And in both areas I see things that make me happy, and even proud (not in a smug, boastful way, but in a wow isn’t that great kind of way).  But I also see things that make me cringe and even weep. And it all makes me marvel at the depth and breadth of God’s love, that through all of this, God’s love surrounds and supports us.

I cannot change the world, but I can change me, and that is what this journey is all about. Becoming the best me, the me God created me to be. And perhaps, along the way, I might help others recognize and work on their perspective too…

a letter

Some people talk about writing a letter to your younger self, to offer support and encouragement, perhaps some insights, and to help your younger self realize that they can make it through whatever it is they’re facing. I’ve been thinking about that idea lately, and I’ve come to realize that even if I could do something like that, it probably wouldn’t have changed anything. When I was younger, I was a control freak; my view of things in that moment was all that mattered. Thinking this far into the future was totally beyond my abilities at the time. All I could deal with was this moment. I felt if I could control this one moment, then nothing bad would happen to me or my family.

Spoiler alert! The concept of controlling anything outside ourselves is simply an illusion. Situational control is something we think we exercise as we go through life. Looking back – from these “wise” old years and as a recovering control freak – I recognize the irony in that. While I thought I was in control of my life, some things were spinning wildly out of control.  

But that’s not what I want to focus on today. Today I’m thinking about a letter I might write to my older self, and in the process offer today’s me some encouragement and support. My thought is, by looking at things from outside the box of today – or this week, month, or even this year – I can help myself over what feel like stumbling blocks on this journey of healing and wholeness I am on.

The first thing I’d remind my older self is that as a recovering control freak, being conscious of the times I try to take back control of the process is vital. These efforts are a waste of God’s time and grace, and do nothing to help me long the way. But recovery is hard, and relapses happen no matter what our addiction. I’d tell myself that the most important thing is to remember that God has called me on this journey. It is not something I initiated; it is all God-gifted, so remeber God’s got me.

 Secondly, I’d remind my older self that I am not wandering around on my own, breaking new ground along an unknown path. This is a path I know Jesus walked, as have many others before me. I don’t need to be afraid; I simply need to trust.

Finally, I’d say that as Jesus promised the disciples, and each and every one of us, the Holy Spirit is here to help guide me along the way. I don’t need to know the exact path, I simply need to follow the Holy Spirit’s lead. Refusing to follow that guidance, either by choosing to move along my own path or by refusing to move at all, is a great temptation. It’s a ghost of that feeling of control. But that feeling is false.

It took me too long to finally accept that I was worthy of the sacrifice that Jesus made. My efforts at control kept me locked into a certain way of seeing things – especially myself – and this kept me from seeing this vital truth. When I accepted Jesus as my Savior, I handed my life back to God and I promised to give up those efforts at control. I need to restate that promise every day, even multiple times a day!

This is what I would write to my older self, the importance of staying in touch with God and open to the movement of the Holy Spirit. And imagine – breathing is a simple way to do it!

The easiest way I have found to do this is a bit of a guided meditation/breath prayer hybrid. I share it with you here in the hopes it might help you along the path God is calling you to follow. It’s simple, it’s easy, and if you can truly allow yourself to be open to God’s call it can be transformative. I started doing this as a way to unwind and prepare myself for sleep, and then I began to do it in the morning as a way to connect to God before I get out of bed and start my day. But I’ve learned it can be helpful at any time of day, especially when I find myself trying to take control back from God.

The most effective way to do this is to pair the words with your breathing. Breathing in to a count of 2 or 3, and breathing out to a count of 4 or 6, even without any words is powerful. Our bodies are designed that our heart rate slows when we exhale, and breathing out for twice as long as we breathe in relaxes the body, so focus on exhaling completely. After simply breathing this way once or twice to center yourself, add the words to get the maximum benefit. The words can also be adapted to reflect any situation you find yourself in, these are simply the words that I start with.

Breathe in God… breathe out fear.

Breathe in Jesus… breathe out self-importance.

Breathe in the Holy Spirit… breathe out self-direction.

My prayer is that this process, these words, might help you, whatever way you choose to use them…

so i can

I received a bracelet a few months ago that I wear every day. It is cloth, has a colorful background, and says in bold letters, “GOD IS LOVE”. Because I know that is God’s nature, I love to wear it as a visible reminder. To show how inobservant I can be at times, I only realized a couple of days ago that the colorful background is actually a rainbow. I noticed this in the bathroom after my shower, and since rainbows have become my personal sign of connection with God, the bracelet has taken on an added significance.

That reminded me of a similar bracelet I received several years ago. It’s the same style, with a light purple background and says “I have Jesus in my heart”. I pulled this one out of my treasure box, and started to wear it with my rainbow bracelet. Looking at the two of them together brought home the important fact that it is because God is love that I can have Jesus in my heart. Without that love, actually “LOVE”, God would not have kept calling me until I accepted Jesus and allowed Him into my heart.

That got me thinking about the other things I can do or be because GOD IS LOVE. There are so many! I want to share some of them here to get you thinking about how God’s love is active in your own life.

God is love, so I can… love others in a way I can’t on my own. I can be easily irritated by people, and when I try to deal with them through my own patience or grace, I’m not usually successful. But if I ask for God’s help, that love can move into and through me to those around me, and I am more patient and forgiving, more loving.

God is love, so I can… be forgiven. No matter how hard I try on my own, I make mistakes, at times I am thoughtless, and can be unkind. But because of God’s love, Jesus came to earth and willingly died to make sure we are forgiven for our mistakes.

God is love, so I can… learn and heal. Because of God’s love and care, I have found the right people, the right books, the right touch, the right words – all in the right time to help me on this journey of healing.

God is love, so I can… open my heart and my mind to God’s words, and then share them in ways and places I never dreamed possible. It is by God’s grace and work in me that I am sharing these words with you!

God is love, so I can… have the Holy Spirit as my guide, to give me the nudges that bring me to the people and situations where I might help by sharing God’s love. It is the Holy Spirit that reminds me that sharing a skein of yarn, some time, and some prayers can bring comfort to someone, can help them discover (or rediscover) their belovedness, and in some ways bring them peace. It may be my time and my yarn, but it is because GOD IS LOVE that the blessings are woven into each prayer shawl as my crochet hook moves along. It is the Holy Spirit’s work that gives me insights into the messages of the weight, the colors, the pattern, that grows as the shawl grows; and then I am given the words to express those insights to the person whose shawl I made.

God is love, so I can… know that my work, whether it’s with words, or yarn, or whatever, will have its intended impact. Not my intention, but God’s intention. I may never know what the effect is, and that’s ok. Because I know God’s nature is love, then I know that whatever the impact is – loving, supporting, inspiring, nurturing, teaching, empowering – it will be what God knows it needs to be, for the right person, at the right time.

God is love, so I know I can. What about you?

inside-out

Yesterday I saw something I’ve never seen before. When I got out of the shower there it was, no more than 2 inches long, less than an inch high. I don’t know what the physical cause was, perhaps it was because the sun was refracting through the moisture on the bathroom window and the moisture on the shower door, but there it was – an upside-down rainbow. It was ‘roy g biv’ turned on its head! It lasted less than a minute, and I could so easily have missed it. But I didn’t, and I’m still smiling about it.

As I typically do with these sorts of things, I let that little upside-down rainbow sit in my heart and mind as the day went on. I love those unique little twists, those times when God does a little something unexpected. But how many times have I missed them? How many times have I been so focused on my feelings, my expectations, my interpretations, that I miss those little reminders to stop and look outside myself? How many times have I overlooked or ignored the signs that point to a moment of celebration in a hard time? The beauty in a storm? The joy in the heartache?

God’s signs are not always obvious. I think too many of us expect God’s signs to be big and easily found. But more often than not, they are the tiny whispers, the gentle touch, the spark of an idea, the quick flash of a feeling. That is why they are easy to miss, and even easier to ignore. We doubt ourselves, our perception, and so we dismiss that whisper, that flash. But if we can open our hearts to God, and the ways God is reaching out to us, we become more accepting, more attuned to the touch, the spark.

We may not understand exactly what God’s signs mean for us, but I truly believe that’s ok. To my way of thinking, it’s the openness that matters, the willingness to see that there may be something more. I don’t know what that little upside-down rainbow meant, but seeing it made a difference for me, a gift for my journey. I was encouraged on a hard day. Tears were shed, but because of that little upside-down reminder of God’s presence, I was able to see the smiles, recognize the joy in celebrating a life well-lived. I was able to reflect back on my own hard days with more serenity, more peace.

A pretty impressive result for a ray of sun and some drops of water, but not for God. God, who is with us in our pain and our joy, if we will only be open to noticing. It may come as a little upside-down rainbow, a tiny whisper, or a gentle touch. It may be the spark of an idea, the quick flash of a feeling or the hug of those we hold dear. But God is with us, and if we will be open, that presence can turn our perceptions upside-down.

in or out

The last few days I’ve been doing camp drop-off, and my route takes me past a house with a very large statue of the virgin Mary in one of the windows. When I say large, I mean if fills almost the entire bay window. But what got me thinking was not the size of the statue, or even that it’s there, but the fact that the statue is facing outward. And while that is a very obvious statement of their belief system, it got me thinking about how people, including me, show our faith in God. (Important disclaimer – this is not a criticism of the owner of that home and statue. This is not any kind of commentary on their choices, or on anyone else’s choices. This is about my choices, my decisions about living out my faith. Second disclaimer – in reality my first thought about the placement is that the people inside the house have only the statue’s backside to look at.)

But in all seriousness, to me the placement of the statue is a choice that makes a statement to the outside world about what the owners believe. I make similar choices when I pull my necklace out from under my shirt so that people can see my cross, and when I close my emails and letters ‘God bless’. I want people to know that my faith is important to me. But it’s what’s behind those things (sorry, unintended pun there!) that really matters. If I am not intentional about asking God to bless the people I’m writing to, if I’m unwilling to live in a way that honors the sacrifices Jesus made on the cross, then what I’m doing is just empty symbolism.

My faith is an integral part of who I am. It fills my life like that statue fills the window it sits in. Every day, sometimes every hour or even every minute, I have to decide if my statue will face in or out. If I will see my faith, work to strengthen my faith, live out of my faith. For me, if my statue is facing inward, then I can see when and where I need to make changes, I can more easily recognize the times the Holy Spirit nudges me to do or say something, I can more easily act on my faith. If my statue is facing outward, then the world can certainly see indications of my faith, but there’s a greater chance those indications will remain static. If I can’t see what’s happening, I can’t see when I let my focus lapse. I can’t see when I allow judgementalism, or self-doubt, or a false sense of superiority – all the work of the evil one – to interfere with my relationship with God, with the ways God calls me to live out my faith.

So for me, I need my statue to face inward. It might look more impressive to the world if it faces outward, but I am not called to impress the world, I am called to live and grow my faith, to nurture and strengthen my relationship with God – regardless of how that looks to the world.

listen

I have so many ideas floating through my mind, words searching for a way to be expressed. Things like imagination, coming home, imperfections, following – things you may see here in the future.

But today, it’s a friend’s comment about my willingness to listen to the nudges from the Holy Spirit that is at the forefront. As I sat with those words, I realized that I try my best to place that listening at the core of all I do. “Try” being the operative word here, because I know there are times that I definitely hear or feel the nudge and then choose not to act on it. But I am getting better. I am praying more, crocheting more, writing more, all prompted by those nudges. And I realized that taking the time to listen is part of all the other ideas floating around in my mind. So I decided to take that time now to listen to what the Spirit is telling me – about listening.

I write a faith study for my church, based on hymns and current Christian music, which is posted on our website, and recently I heard that this study spoke to someone over 1000 miles away and that he would like to use it for an adult Sunday School class he leads. The concept of the study itself and the 50+ songs I’ve worked on are all based on taking the time to listen. It’s the nudges from the Holy Spirit that got me started, that direct me to which songs to use, which Bible verses to reference, and what questions to ask. I know I couldn’t do this on my own.

The piece I’m currently working on is a perfect example. Looking through the hymnals for which song to work with, I was drawn to a hymn about personal healing. I attributed the pull I felt to the work God and I are doing on my personal healing. So I continued looking, and found one on social justice, which spoke to me, because social justice is an area I’ve been called to grow into. I decided to go with the social justice hymn because it felt like it had a wider appeal with everything going on in the world today, and started looking for Bible verses to connect to where the hymn seemed to be calling me. Two hours later, with no appropriate verses, I stopped. Maybe I wasn’t supposed to use this hymn. Maybe it was my personal feelings rather that the Holy Spirit that made me pick that hymn. I looked at the other hymn again and recognized the universality of the message of the song. So I started looking for Bible verses for that hymn, and within 3 hours I had all I needed and the beginnings of the questions for the various verses. Apparently, I had unintentionally dismissed a nudge. What a difference listening to the Holy Spirit made!

When I listen, things go more smoothly, I feel more motivated to continue the task, I’m less frustrated. Sometimes the listening even requires me to pause a task or call from the Holy Spirit to make sure I’m continuing on the correct path, or if another task needs to take precedence. Recently, I was working on a prayer shawl for a friend as she works through a long-term situation. But in the middle of that I got the nudge to make one for someone else as she prepared for a major change in her life that was about to take place. Part of me hesitated to put the one aside for the other, but I listened. I completed the intervening prayer shawl just in time, and then went back to the first one. Once I completed it, I sent it out. And that friend called me to tell me that the prayer shawl arrived at just the moment she needed it. I explained what had occurred with the other nudge, and my friend told me that if her prayer shawl had arrived a week prior, she would have loved it and used it just the same, but it might not have made such an impact on her. She explained that because I took the time to make the other prayer shawl in the middle, her prayer shawl arrived the day she heard some very hard news and needed that expression of God’s love even more.

I am so grateful to be a part of the work the Holy Spirit is doing. Whether it is writing words to help others see and accept God’s love and grace, or exploring a new social justice ministry, or sharing prayers and concern and care one stitch at a time, I am blessed when I take the time to listen on this journey called life.

to the amazing women

Healing can be such a lonely journey. Looking back, and inward, is an absolutely vital part of the process; but sometimes it leaves me feeling too vulnerable or emotional to connect with those around me. Or feeling like I’ve missed something so important that there is no way to make it up to that person.

But as I have journeyed, God has blessed me with so many amazing women who have loved me, supported me, forgiven me, and loved me again. Women who have held my hand as I took shaky steps, shown me my value when I believed I had none, shared their stories so I wouldn’t feel alone. Women who have allowed me to be vulnerable, who understood my fears, who cheer me on when I take brave steps to follow God’s call on my life.

To D: who saw me when I was too young to really know what I needed. You have loved me through my pain and shame, through my growing and my wandering, and my returning. You are as much a part of me, as I am. I would not, could not, be who I am without you.

To R: you were with me at a most amazing part of my life, a most pivotal moment in my faith journey. You were there for my first steps as a new creation, and the connection we share has only grown and deepened over the years. Because of your encouragement this blog exists. Our paths have come together at times of struggle, and your understanding and support have eased the burden. I know God arranged it so we could be there for each other, and I will be forever grateful.

To D: you shared your story in such a deeply personal way, you showed me that I could face my past and grow through it. You opened your door and listened to the first poems that God gave me to help with my healing. You have such a special place in my journey. I don’t know that I can ever thank you for your bravery.

To S: for the times we “solved the problems of the world”, for your unconditional acceptance, and for the showing me the importance of exploring and nurturing my artistic side. Your love and support mean the world to me.

To S: having you as a “work friend” (if work means any time, any day!) made my life easier, more enjoyable, simply better. Your wisdom about moms helped me through some of my hardest days. Your dedication to our work has made a difference in the lives of so many women, including me.

To J: we have shared so much, in so many places and so many ways. I am blessed by your love, your insight, your deep listening, and your beautiful heartfelt prayers. You have faced so many challenges, your dedication and spirit continue to inspire me.

To B: who saw me when I felt invisible and doubted that what I had to offer had value. You offered me your time and your friendship. You listened to my story, my confusion, and helped me believe in myself again, to trust God’s plan for my life. You have encouraged me to grow and explore my gifts, and supported my efforts in their various forms.

To E: we met just a short time ago, but I felt that connection that can only come from God. I believe that God brought us together for a reason. Your support, your acceptance, your understanding, are such a gift as my work to follow God’s call in a new and different way has coincided with this new stage of self-discovery and healing.

My prayer is that God will bless them as they have blessed me, and that in some way I have been a friend, a help, a cheerleader for them as they have been for me.

To each and every one of you, thank you for sharing yourselves with me. I love you.

what if…

“What if I try and fail?” is a question I ask myself way too often.  It’s a question I don’t really have an answer for. What I should be asking myself instead is, “What if I don’t even try?” I think the reason I don’t ask myself that question is because I know the answer – if I don’t try, then I’ve failed for sure. So then, what if I simply try?

This reminds me of the word puzzle,Wordle. Each attempt gives me information. But what I do with that information is up to me. Sometimes I am a bit careless; I’ve seen a letter is unusable, but I move too quickly and use it anyways. Ignoring what I’ve learned is too easy. Fortunately, most of the time I pay attention and use the information I’ve gathered, the lessons I’ve learned. That doesn’t mean I’ll solve the puzzle, but even in failing to solve the puzzle, I’ve still learned and grown. I’ve increased my patience with the process (at least a bit), and I’ve learned to listen to my brain. (I swear, if I listen closely enough, I can hear the pages turning in my brain as I work through the possibilities. I’m old enough that I’m not computerized, I’m still the paper edition!)

But more importantly, perhaps the time has come to redefine “success” and “failure”. What if the attempt itself is the actual success? If trusting God in the process is what I’m called to do, without worrying about society’s definition of “success” and “failure”? I’ve learned that God calls me to create, to write, and to put my efforts out there. That’s it. How they are received is not up to me, so that should not be part of my preparation. Care and consideration, yes; reception, no. Thoughtless words are easy, like using letters I know are unusable in Wordle. Using those unusable letters simply leads to an incorrect guess, but using words without thought can be harmful – to people and to relationships. So, it’s up to me to make sure I am careful to avoid hurtful or easily misunderstood words and phrases. That is why I continue to pray before I write anything, a message, a poem, a post. I ask God to bless me with wisdom for the words I use; and to bless those who read or hear my words with understanding, so that the words I use will be helpful – supporting, loving, guiding, comforting – whatever God needs them to be for each person.

Please God, let me use the same care and attention I give to the words I use for others

on the words I give myself. Help me to speak of the strength and confidence and wisdom

You have given me, so that I may be comforted and strengthened

as I continue this journey with You. Amen.

So, what if I simply try? What if I allow myself to be used by God as a conduit? I will learn; I will grow. And you know, that sounds like a really good definition of success to me.